Phenomenology of Love: Affect on Our Growth and Desire to Sacrifice

Abstract

This study explores how love affects our growth and why we sacrifice for love. Love is a confusing and also a dangerous thing to exist, it affects everyone. A human phenomenon that makes people do things unexpectedly and unknowingly to the extent that they tend to sacrifice because of this humanly feeling. It’s true love when someone sacrifices and when it helps people grow and mature—grow mentally and emotionally. People realize, understand and more importantly, learn things in a deeper sense.

I. Introduction

Love has always been a complicated topic. [footnoteRef:1] Since the time of Plato, everyone is seeking and asking about its true nature. For many people, it is about sunshine and butterflies making your stomach ache in an unexplainably good way. It makes you sing and dance without a song or even write a poetry containing the words that you haven’t even heard of. Others experience it platonically, a brotherly or sisterly love which doesn’t include romance. It is all about worrying if they are doing okay and being a shoulder for them to cry on during their down days. However, love may be magical but it is a double-edged sword— it can either make you or break you— which make it terrifying. [1: http://www.moushigo.com/2008/03/30/the-phenomenology-of-love/]

II. Body

In its basic form, love is conscious care. Just like when a man loves his car or his collection of shoes, he’ll always think about what might happen to them and mostly looks at them in a positive way. Like a love from a person to another, he’ll always think of the one he loves and what’s good for her. Love can make a strong man fall down to his knees or even make a weak person have the courage to face everything just for the sake of it. According to Lao Tzu ‘Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.’ It is because of love that we are able to face head on the odds in life, to cross the gaps we thought we can’t. [footnoteRef:2] [2: https://www.developgoodhabits.com/wise-quotes/]

Growth in Loving

As people learn how to love another, they would share almost everything they knew with them: the secrets they kept, the good and bad experiences, the things they love and hate, their past, their unmasked self and many more. They would do things together even if they seemed impossible. But most importantly they would help each other grow not physically but mentally and emotionally. People grow as they continue to engage in love— they mature, learn to be selfless, and start to think not only for themselves but for the benefit of the two of them.

The individuals’ emotional and mental growth can make them develop a much stronger bond. It will help especially in their trust for one another. Trust is one of the most essential things in love because it is the one that makes the love of two people stronger and better.

This affection can be shown not only in a romantic way but also in things that you think of only the being of the significant other. Like being there to support your significant other in what they love doing, to calm them in the midst of chaos, to pick them up when they are at their lowest, wishing them for only the best to come in their life.

It is also in the presence of pain that make people grow. After the break up of two individual they also mature by reflecting on what happened, the mistakes they have made over the course of their relationship. The pain that comes from love results to a better version of themselves. So if the next time we will fall in love, we know what to avoid and what to do. Like when one was hurt that the other have chosen another person instead of him, He thought that it is better to just let her go because it will get him nowhere and it will just hurt him even more. He learned that people need to let go of the one they love not because they don’t love them back but because it is for the better and it is where one choose to sacrifice for the happiness of the other.

Unconditional Love

When does unconditional love occur? Is it when you have experienced a lot in love and grown to know what it really is? Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations or simply, love without conditions. This is sometimes associated with terms such as true altruism or complete love. [footnoteRef:3] You only think of the happiness of the person, it is when you have learned that love isn’t always give and take but can purely be out of giving. It may sound foolish but unconditional love isn’t a desperate love but purely on the thought that one’s happiness is all that you care about. [3: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unconditional_love]

To love another even without the feeling of being loved back is true love itself. Because loving another regardless of the circumstances you are in requires sacrifice. For instance, when two people who are in a relationship break up because of loss of spark, the one who doesn’t want to let go will have to because the other doesn’t feel the same way anymore. Instead, he will just continue loving that person from afar for no one can force someone to stay, if the person doesn’t want to.

One also experienced that her love for the significant other was too strong and it became unhealthy. She realized that it is only right to let go because she was becoming too toxic for the other party already. She reflected on what could be the best move to do and it is to step back even if it is painful. Because nothing good will come if they are not equally contented. However, doing this doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love that person anymore, it only showcases that her affection towards his partner exceeds her own happiness.

Unconditional love is also present not only in a romantic way but in family too. Our parents want us to be happy and they often overexert themselves just to give our wants and needs. They want the best for us no matter how hard the circumstances for them are.

True Love

As one experience love through their lifetime it changes the way they see love. They grow, they mature, and they tend to look at things not only in their perspective but from others’ too. According to Ricardo Montalban ‘True love doesn’t happen right away; it’s an ever-growing process. It develops after you’ve gone through many ups and downs, when you’ve suffered together, cried together, laughed together.’ [footnoteRef:4]As time passes the love between two strengthens. It made them sure that the love they both feel is genuine because it is tested by the odds and challenges that come along their way. [4: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/ricardo_montalban_190532?src=t_true_love]

III. Conclusion

Overall, it may be said that the complexity of love could never be comprehended. The only thing that matters is we feel it and it makes us learn how to be selfless. Selflessness—being able to sacrifice and give without expecting anything in return— will always be the highest form of love. It may be a double-edged sword but everyone must always remember that the blade doesn’t do anything wrong, the nature of it depends upon the user. Love shouldn’t be treated as a game. Rather, people should think many times before pursuing it to avoid hurting themselves, and most especially the other person.