Reflection on Relationship between My Mother and Me: Analytical Essay

This paper will be an analysis of the relationship between my mother and me, and of how I became to realize that becoming a young mum is a very difficult task. I was born within an average family; where I am became the second because my parent have adopted children of three and four include myself which make us seven in the house of Tuavela. Just because my parents are minister does not mean that we the children have to behave, act, and are perfect compare to the congregation’s children. Sadly, my mother’s fear is the peoples’ perspective and humors about us especially me. Through her fear and commitment to my father’s work as a Pastor, led our relationship into chaos, mistrust, and misunderstanding. In this paper I will emphasize the relationship between my mother and me as well as the prenatal development because it leads to my realizations of the difficulties of becoming a young mum.

Realizing How Difficult To Become A Young Mum

Life begins for all of us much the same way like we born, we grow, and we also learn into decision making. However, through our decisions and choices; many will applaud yet others will cause grief and distress or maybe either way. The relationship between my mother and I began to crush when my older sister got pregnant in 2011 at the age of 20; right after her high school year. So, my mother believed that history repeats itself. During my high school years, my mother does not even trust me with everything, even with educational events like gear up program, science fair, history day and even games when my school participates in volleyball and basketball. I have tried my best to achieve and participate in every school events just to make my parents proud and happy as well as for my own benefits of learning new skills. Yet, my mother turned my intentions into something that was not even a part of my plan. Then, I had enough of her; she stopped me from playing volleyball during my junior and senior years. She also stopped me from science fair and history day because of sleeping over. Because of her mistrust, misunderstood and unable to identify my needs to achieve in school have turned me against her.

Adolescence: A Development Transitions

Adolescence is a social construction accordingly to Papalia, Feldman & Martorell (2012). Adolescence is define as a development transition that involves physical, cognitive, emotional, and social changes and takes varying forms in different social, culture, and economic setting. Obviously, after my high school graduation; the relationship between my mother and I became a cold war. I became prideful, stubborn, and hardheaded. I would strike her with something cruel that would hurt her. I came home late so dunk but my mother would even notice because I went straight to bed ignoring all her lectures. There are certain times that my parent would fight and argued because of me. It did not bother me at all. I started to sneak out of the house had a boyfriend who is way older than me. Accordingly to Piaget (1970), Adolescents thought is often self- centered and influenced by the belief that others are acutely aware of their every action. During those times, I was aware that my every movement has been watched because I have families, family friends, and the gossips ones that would report my every action. After a year in college and a year in a relationship around 2013, I started to have symptoms. I became a different person. Before I even know what was going on with me; my mother noticed it at first. I criticized and disgraced my mother, not only within my family but our surrounding. I took my mother’s words for granted as a teenage girl thinking that every single word that is coming out of my mother’s mouth is a curse. Just because of my pride, stubborn, and hardhearted has led me into the situation that shamed my family and dishonor their work as a mister but guess who was there, my mother. I experienced a complicated pregnancy because it was the first. And I got pregnant again still not married; but my mother was there for me. Through prenatal development, the birth process, as well as the human development has made me realized the difficulties to be a young mother with no financial supports, education still in progress and the lack of experience of being a mother.

When I was a single mother everything was alright because I have my family with me and with their support I was able to attain as a young mother. However, it happened again. This time, I got no excuse because the father of my baby came into the picture and rushed everything into marriage. Even though, I was not certain but getting married was the key for me to move out from my parent’s care and be free. Through my marriage life I have realized being a young mother and wanted to get away from parent was very problematic than I thought. And going through the process of pregnancy and raising my children on my own have made me realized that all my mother had ever wanted from me is to complete my education, live happily and free.

Prenatal Development

Gestational age is usually dated from the first day of an expectant mother’s last menstrual cycle stated by Papalia, Feldman & Martorell (2012). Women experience subtle but noticeable changes with her body. Others went through early signs and symptoms of pregnancy right after their menstrual period had missed. Like myself, my first pregnancy was very complicated. Obviously, right after my parent learned about my pregnancy, I started to have horrible signs during my first two weeks and it was killing me at the same time. The physical changes that I went through were swollen breast, the needing to take extra nap; food carving is the worst, mood swings and mostly the raised basal body temperature. In which explained the reason why I really hated my surrounding and the environment that I was with during my pregnancy. The prenatal development take place within three stages called germinal, embryonic and fetal. The germinal stage involves in several different processes that change an egg and sperm first into a zygote, and then into embryo. These processes include fertilization, cleavage, blastulation, and implantation. According to Study.com (2019), the union of the sperm and egg cell forms a single cell called a zygote. The zygote moves along the fallopian tube toward the uterus. This stage ends when the blastocyst is fully implanted into uterine tissue. The embryonic stage, defines as the longest processes during the time of implantation until about eight weeks from the time of conception. This stage is very essential time of the prenatal development because the embryo is developing the foundations for a healthy baby. The last stage is the fetus, this process occurs between weeks 9 and 15 after fertilization include differentiation of the reproductive organs. During this period of development the fetus is very active and movements are mostly uncontrolled. It is an excitement moment to feel the baby moving inside me because it tells me that I am doing fine in taking care, protecting and knowing that it is still alive in me.

In addition, during my pregnancy I went through some maternal factors like physical activity and strenuous work, drug intake and maternal stress and depression. Because the prenatal environment is the mother’s body, virtually everything that influences her well-being, from her diet to her moods, may alter her unborn child’s environment and affect its growth stated by Papalia, Feldman & Martorell (2012). According to Richetto & Riva (2014), multiple clinical studies have, in fact repeatedly confirmed that prenatal maternal factors, such as infection, stress or malnutrition, are pivotal in shaping behavioral and cognitive functions of the offspring and in the past decade many preclinical studies have investigated this hypothesis. During my second pregnancy I was married. I married a guy that we just me and being in a relationship for only four months was not enough for the both of us to know each other well. I undergo some depression and I have done things that I was not expecting to do in my life. My marriage was rough and tough because my husband and I have differences in doing things around the house, different thoughts, and opinions and with different backgrounds. He is the type of person who is really relying on people to things for him. One word for the kind of person he is “LAZY.” The safest course seems to be for pregnant women to exercise moderately, not pushing themselves and not raising their heart rate above 150, and, as with any exercise, to taper off at the end of each session rather than stop abruptly recommends by The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (1994). Whenever I got mad to my husband, I would push myself to do chores that he supposed to do it. Like, managing in and outside the house, cooking in the house and at the umu; he supposed to help me while I am pregnant but however he dreamt away like a princess.

Depression may have similar negative effects on development. In one study of children, children of mothers who hand been depressed during pregnancy showed elevates levels of violent and antisocial behaviors in adolescence, even when family environment, continued maternal depression, and prenatal nicotine and alcohol exposure were controlled for (Hay, Pawlby, Waters, Perra, & Sharp, 2010). Just because my husband was raised without a mother and the who raised was not even his biological father. He lived without love, did not experience the voice of a mother like scolding and yelling to do chores and be a grown man. There was one time my mother came to visit us at Vaitogi our own home. She found him sleeping while I was doing the “saka” (cooking banana outside). She yelled at him like she always yelled at us; telling him that a man’s duty is to protect, provide and never complaints about pain and whatnot. He came outside with tears on his face. My mother left and he followed her after by taking the bus to his family. I was alone and was afraid as well that he would never come back. It’s been two months that my husband left me and my unborn child. But, within those two months he kept messaging me on facebook that he wanted to come back but he was too afraid of my parent. And during those times, my mother pressured me to divorce him because he is nothing but a lazy bustard. Both of my parent were very concerned because is almost near to my due month but still no sign of him. So they planned to send me off island to my brother Atina to live with him. Because of the pressure from my parent to divorce him and my husband’s absents, I was thinking of takin my life. Through the hardship and the shameful engagements that I have brought into my family; I do not have a purpose to live because I am nothing but a shameful product of my parent. While I was tying the rope, there was a strong voice and a warm touch that I have never felt it before whispered through my ears, “Why?” “Why?” “You have a Purpose to live.” A week later my father still pressured me to bag all my husband’s stuff and send it to him while my mother saw how depressed I am and she stopped my father for pushing me to do something that I am not willing to do. I cried for days and nights because this is the main reason why I do not want to experience the marriage life. I held a knife and stabbed my left wrist to see if I was only dreaming. I did not even notice the time I stabbed myself; it was just a thought of doing it but I did not feel the pain.

The Birth Process

Labor is an apt term for the process of giving birth. Birth is hard work for both mother and baby stated by Papalia, Feldman & Martorell (2012). It was nearly my birth month; I went to my parent’s house at Nu’uuli to wait for my due date and I needed my mother’s assistance. On January 28th, 2017, my husband came back. He came back with his family kneeling, begging, and asking for forgiveness outside the house. My mother denied them because of anger yet my father asked them to stand up and come in the house. I saw my mother stood up for me and she spoke my mind; bursting her anger towards the family for not using their mind to bring him back and for the husband for being such a coward and childish for walking out on me. I did not want him back. Yes, I forgive him but I do not want him back because I have seen enough of him. Because my father’s motto is “Ia maua le loto maualalo ma le loto salamo,” meaning “Be humble and be forgivable;” he accepted their apologized and my husband back into our family but on one condition if he planned to live again like this divorce papers and a child support will be knocking on his door.

The morning of February 13th, 2017 around 12:30 am, I felt contractions. I woke my husband to walk me outside until I am ready to give birth. He was excited because it is his first baby and we are expecting a girl. The first stage of birth processing, according to Baby Centre Medical Advisory Board (2019), the first stage of labor is when contractions gradually open the cervix, which is the neck of your womb (uterus). This process takes 12 and 14 hours for new mothers yet because I have experienced it first, this time I recommended myself to go in labor room when my contractions are fully killing me. While walking around I have to time every minutes of contractions first it was five minutes, four, and three and two minutes I called my parent to drive me to the hospital. The last stage is giving birth. I gave birth to a beautiful daughter around 12:21 pm on February 13th, 2017; weight of 8.91lbs.

Human Development

The nuclear family is a household unit consisting of one or two parents and their children, whether biological, adopted, or stepchildren stated by Papalia, Feldman & Martorell (2012). I am thankful for my family especially my parent; they have helped me throughout depression and stressful life while I have not done nothing to them. Even though my husband and I have our own house, my parent has to provide and supplies for my family. Having a child means hustle to have a job in supporting your own family without relying on others. Because both of us were jobless, my parent supports and provides for us while they have to supplies for my younger siblings as well. Through this tough time, I was advised by my father to come back to school. I was not even thinking of coming back to school because I want to nurse my daughter. But because, the situation that my own small family have and how I looked up to mother who is taking classing and work at the same time to support us have encouraged me to come back to school. I have realized that being a young mother and wanted to leave my parents care is difficult because I have to take full responsible and the ability to play the role of being a mother.

I have realized that mother knows best and every word that she scolded, yelled and threw at me that I thought was a cursed; they were guidance. They were blessing and loving words. She was trying to protect me but I took her for granted and humiliated her in front of everybody. I have realized because I have children of my own and I have taste the decisions that I made. Through my marriage life I have done things that I did not do it before like smoking, drinking and cutting while I was pregnant. I undergo pressure because of not enough knowledge between my husband and I and the both of us were not even prepare and settle to support and provide for our own family. Because of my pride that I though marriage will set me free from parent’s care and can do whatever I want. Obviously not, I have to take full responsible as a mother and a wife. Through my experience as a young mother, it is very essential to prepare, settle and have a job to support and provide for your family instead of roaming around and depending on your parents.